“Parenting is the hardest job I ever loved.”: Demands, Challenges, and the Purest Love

“Parenting is the hardest job I ever loved.” This statement by one parent summarizes so well what I hear from parents, mothers and fathers alike.

I haven’t met one parent, in my office or outside, that isn’t surprised by the challenges of meeting the never ending needs of young babies, the oft loud demands of toddlers, the near constant arguing of preschoolers, the fears of school children, the angst of teenagers, or even the normative life transitions of adult children through graduation, marriage, and their own child rearing. 

Unmet personal expectations and falling short of one’s own personal standards and ideals lead to disappointment and resentment for many parents: the way they thought parenthood would be, how they predicted they would co-parent with their spouse, the way they hoped their own parents (the grandparents) engage, disengage, or are unable to present in the ways they wanted. Their own internal struggles are perhaps the most distressing: sadness at lost hobbies, friendships, freedom, and identity

Relationally, they grieve that they feel so much disconnection from and frustration with their children and their families. They planned to do it differently than their parents. They weren’t going to yell. They don’t spank but don’t know what to do instead. They are angry and resentful at the spouse they used to laugh so much with. They need support and help to feel and engage differently, but don’t have family, friends, or a community nearby. They express feeling isolated, powerless, and sometimes hopeless. 

If you resonate with these parents, reach out, I am happy to walk through this with you, and your family! But first, Breath. Deeply. Parenting is not always easy if you are doing it right. And I am guessing that you love your children and are doing many things right. My clients find it helpful when we are honest about their feelings surrounding parenting, the good, the bad, and the ugly. We take a realistic assessment of what’s going well (you must be doing something right at some point!), what’s not going so well (addressing the darkness while minimizing blame and shame), and exploring what’s normative child development. Knowing reasonable expectations for you, your child, and any co-caregivers, helps give you perspective, instead of blaming yourself or your child. 

I see your distress. And see that you can do this. 

Working with me might look like online therapy for you as an individual, couple, or family! Reach out to see how we might be able to work together.